Why Rest Feels Wrong (And How to Reclaim It)

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Tell me if this sounds familiar.

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You finally get a quiet

moment to yourself.

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No one's calling, no emails to answer.

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You sit down, ready to rest, but

instead of feeling calm, you feel

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anxious on edge or guilty, like

you should get up and do something.

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So if rest feels uncomfortable,

you're just not used to what it

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feels like to be still with yourself.

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CH Podcast Intro Video 4k: Welcome

to the Core Happiness Podcast.

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I'm your host, Casey Banks, a mindset

and positive psychology coach.

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On this podcast, we discuss all

things related to creating happiness

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from within, so let's do it.

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Welcome back to the show.

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So let's explore why slowing down feels so

hard sometimes, and how to start rewiring

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our nervous system so that peace stops

feeling so unfamiliar and starts feeling

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like home, like our base as it should.

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And I wanna start with this deep truth.

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Rest isn't about our bodies.

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It's about our nervous systems.

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And if our nervous systems do not feel

safe, stillness won't feel relaxing.

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Instead, it will feel uncomfortable.

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It will feel threatening, maybe.

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And that's because our brains have

learned through experience that

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if we're moving, we're valuable.

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If we're productive, we're safe.

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If we stop, we're lazy.

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Right?

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And for many people.

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The moment we slow down is when

emotion surface, guilt kicks in.

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Um, our thoughts start racing

because we've been trained to believe

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that our worth lies in our doing.

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We have to do, we have to prove

not just who we are, right?

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But the truth is that worth

lies in our being and stillness

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is where healing begins.

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And.

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The beautiful part is our body can

always relearn how to feel safe, resting

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without the guilt, without the panic.

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So if stillness and rest are hard for

you, there are three core reasons as

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to why and what we can do about it.

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So number one is that your nervous system

is wired for motion and not recovery.

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This is more of a societal thing, right?

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If you think about it, if you've been

in go, go, go mode for years, working,

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caregiving, providing, and you're checking

all the boxes, your nervous system

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has adapted to prioritize alertness,

overcome, and neuroscience is known as

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chronic sympathetic dominance, which

is the fight or flight branch of your

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nervous system that stays on all the time.

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It's always on, always triggering.

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So when you stop moving.

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Your system doesn't immediately

say ugh, and drop into peace.

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It says, whoa, wait a minute.

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What's wrong?

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What are we doing?

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Are we okay?

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Is everything okay?

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So if this is you, then before you

ask your body to rest, just give

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it a signal that it's safe, right?

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That could be something is breathing.

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We talk about breathing a lot.

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A slow inhale for four, exhale for six.

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It could be just placing your feet.

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On the floor to feel grounded.

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Um, for some people holding a

cup of tea or coffee, that took a

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warm mug, and feeling the warmth

in your hand can be grounding.

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Just anything that is a simple cue

that activate your parasympathetic

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nervous system to rest and restore.

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'cause com doesn't just come from.

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Nothing like I think we think that,

oh, if I just do nothing, I'll be calm.

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It doesn't work that way,

unfortunately, but we have to teach

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our system that we're safe now.

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Then our bodies will actually

allow us to feel calm.

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Another core reason that rest could

be hard is that we just were taught we

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had to earn it versus just receive it.

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And let's be honest, most

of us don't rest, right?

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We collapse, right?

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We go and go and go and go and

go and go until we break down.

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And then maybe we'll give

ourselves permission to pause.

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And even then the guilt Crips in, right?

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We're like, oh gosh, I shouldn't

have taken that vacation from work.

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Now I have more work to do.

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Or I shouldn't have put my phone on

silent because I missed all these phone

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calls and now I feel bad about it.

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But what if.

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We didn't have to justify it because

right now I feel like we have been taught

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that rest has to be justified, right?

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We think if I haven't finished

everything, I don't deserve to rest.

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If I'm resting, I'm lazy.

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Other people don't get

breaks, why do I get a break?

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Right?

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That's how we think, but.

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That is so detrimental and

research even backs this up.

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Like research shows us that humans

don't function best on constant output.

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We just don't in fact, studies

on cognitive load and decision

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fatigue show that even the smallest

rest breaks can improve focus,

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clarity, emotional regulation.

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So if this is you and you have this

mindset of rest having to be earned,

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then it's important to reframe it, and

it could just be, start with something

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as small as like acknowledging that

preventing rest now means crashing

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later, Reframe it, turn it on its head.

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You're not less valuable

when you're not producing.

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Let your worth exist in who you

are and being still, and the

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restoration that comes from it, right?

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Understand that rest isn't

something you have to earn.

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It's part of how you stay

well and how you stay healthy.

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And then the third core reason that rest

could be hard is that stillness brings

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up emotions that we often try to avoid.

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And this is a deeper one that

most people don't talk about.

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When we finally slow down, old

emotions can bubble up, right?

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We can feel grief, sadness,

resentment, loneliness.

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Maybe it's even joy that we just

haven't allowed ourselves to feel,

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and that discomfort that we feel is

our nervous system finally saying,

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okay, am I trusting you enough

but to feel this, to process this?

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So the solution isn't

to avoid rest, right?

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It's to build the capacity for stillness.

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What does that mean?

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How do we do that?

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It's literally three

minutes, no distractions.

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Just let your feelings arise, whatever

they may be, acknowledge them,

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feel them, and then just repeat to

yourself, I can feel this and I'm okay.

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I'm okay.

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That's how emotional regulation is built.

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It's not through suppressing emotion.

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It's increasing your tolerance of

holding to it, to processing it, and

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then over time our body starts to

learn that stillness is in danger.

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It's.

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Restorative, it's restoration.

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So the main takeaway from today's episode

is to rewire how you think about rest.

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So it no longer feels lazy or, or

even something you have to earn.

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Right?

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Rest is not a reward for exhaustion.

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It should be your baseline.

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Rest also is not a

luxury, it's a necessity.

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It's your body's way of regaining balance.

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It is where clarity comes,

it's where creativity is born.

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So if you've spent years or decades

doing more, being more, giving

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more, proving more, what if.

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Your life didn't depend on how much you

could hold or how much you could do.

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What if life depended on

how well you recovered?

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How well you restored, Because if

you are allowing yourself the ability

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to restore, the ability to have the

clarity, the ability to have the

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creativity, that's what matters.

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So the real shift becomes that rest

isn't what you do when everything's done.

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It's what allows you to face

your life with clarity, energy,

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emotional presence, and your body's

not asking you to rest forever.

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It's just asking you to build a life

where rest is part of the rhythm

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instead of the emergency break.

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So.

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I'm gonna leave you with this

exercise that I hope you try it.

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Just block five minutes

of your day, five minutes.

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You can set a timer, use your phone,

and then sit, stand, or lie, doesn't

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matter, but just be no phone, no music,

no multitasking, no distractions.

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Let whatever feelings come, come and just

simply notice them and just name them.

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I feel anxious.

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I feel fidgety.

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I feel bored.

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I feel.

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Like, I wanna move, whatever it

is, name it, and then breathe.

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Right.

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Inhale for four.

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Exhale for six.

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Always exhale longer than you.

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Inhale and then repeat

either silently or out loud.

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I am safe.

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I'm allowed to pause.

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I am safe.

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I am allowed to pause and

repeat it as often as you need.

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Your nervous system will.

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Thank you.

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If this message hit you somewhere

deep, then the next step is for you.

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It is a five day core clarity recent

workshop, and it's a guided experience

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to get you out of survival mode.

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Stop feeling guilty for slowing down,

how to rebuild your rhythm based on

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your values and not your obligations.

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Feel clear, grounded, and back in

touch with you and your core self.

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In it, you'll receive daily self-regulated

practices, guided mindset shifts, rooted

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in science and soul journaling prompts to

help you reclaim peace as your home base.

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And this isn't about doing more.

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This is about doing what matters from a

place that honors your nervous system,

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your truth, your time, the real you.

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And right now, it's

available for a limited time.

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So if your body's begging for

peace, this is your invitation.

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Click the link below and join us.

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And lastly, subscribe, like,

comment, I want to see you more.

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I want you to show up here.

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This is your space.

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This is your return to yourself,

your clarity, and your calm.

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I thank you for joining me today.

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If you enjoyed this podcast, please

feel free to rate it or leave a review.

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If you have any thoughts or questions,

I would love to hear from you.

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You can email podcast core happiness.com.

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For show notes and additional resources.

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You can visit www.corehappiness.com.

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as always, please remember, never

let anyone diminish your light.

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Until next time, sending you my love.